How to Use a Strap-On:
A Beginner’s Guide
Discover Boundless Excitement with Strap-On Play.
Once upon a time, strap-on sex was thought to appeal only to a niche group of sexually active adults—primarily lesbians and those in the kink community. It wasn’t that strap-ons were limited to these groups, but rather that society at large was largely unaware of strap-on dildos, let alone how or why to use them.
Then, in 2001, Dan Savage coined the term “pegging,” sparking growing interest among straight couples. By 2015, the hit TV show Broad City aired an iconic episode in its second season where one of the main characters experiments with pegging. Suddenly, strap-on sex was thrust into the mainstream spotlight, and people everywhere were scrambling to learn more about this once-misunderstood act.
Yet, even as strap-on play entered mainstream conversations, many misconceptions and stereotypes persisted. Lovehoney says, “No more!” We’re here to set the record straight on strap-on sex and educate everyone on the why and how of this incredible sexual experience. Read on to discover everything you need to know about using a strap-on.
What is a Strap-On?
At its core, a strap-on is simply a wearable dildo that allows the wearer to penetrate a partner or even a sex toy. While many people use the term “strap-on” to refer to a strap-on kit—including a harness and a compatible dildo—the word technically only describes the dildo itself. In fact, not all strap-ons require a harness. For instance, strapless strap-on dildos are designed to be held in place by the user’s body alone.
Harness-compatible strap-on dildos typically feature wide, circular bases that allow them to attach securely to an O-ring or another type of opening, such as holes in harness briefs. However, not all products marketed as dildos are explicitly labeled as strap-ons. For example, many suction cup dildos can double as strap-ons, even if they weren’t specifically designed for that purpose.
With a wide variety of strap-on dildos available on the market—each catering to different body types, preferences, and needs—it’s wise to do your research before making your first purchase. This ensures your choice aligns with both your comfort and your desired sexual style.
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Why Do People Use Strap-Ons?
While mainstream media often depicts strap-ons being used by vulva owners for pegging (anal penetration with a strap-on) or in cisgender lesbian relationships, people of all gender identities, body types, and relationship dynamics can—and do—enjoy strap-on play. Strap-ons are versatile tools that allow any couple to explore a wide range of sensations, sizes, and positions for intimate, penetrative experiences.
Pegging is a popular activity among cishet (cisgender and heterosexual) couples, but it’s far from the only use for strap-ons. These toys are also excellent for exploring double penetration (DP), experimenting with various kinks, or serving as an aid for those experiencing erectile dysfunction.
Strap-ons can also be used to explore themes of gender and power dynamics in play. By giving either partner the ability to penetrate with a phallus, strap-ons open up new possibilities for intimacy and role exploration, allowing both partners to experience pleasure in unique ways.
Who Are Strap-Ons For?
While it’s true that anyone can use a strap-on, the toy is particularly popular among certain groups.
Strap-on play is especially common within the LGBTQ+ community (with a notable emphasis on lesbians, bisexual individuals, and transgender people). Similarly, the BDSM scene frequently incorporates strap-ons into its activities, with some designs even tailored for kink enthusiasts—like ball gag/strap-on combos.
Strap-on dildos can also be a great solution for those looking to “bridge the size gap” between partners. For instance, individuals with smaller penises or larger vaginas may find strap-ons to be the perfect tool for achieving a more fulfilling experience, whether giving or receiving penetration.
Additionally, sexual explorers eager to experiment with new or intense sensations—such as double penetration—often turn to strap-ons to enhance their experiences.
Even if you don’t identify with any of these groups, strap-ons might still be right for you! Because the range of users and their intentions for using strap-ons vary widely, it’s essential to consider body types and desired purposes when making purchasing decisions.
How to Wear a Strap-On?
The proper way to wear a strap-on depends on the type of dildo and harness (if any) you’re using, as well as your anatomy. For harnesses and other strap-on holders, always attach and secure the dildo to the garment before putting it on.
The most complex type of strap-on to put on (though still relatively straightforward compared to how intuitive others are) is the standard harness. After attaching your dildo to the harness, follow these four steps:
- Loosen all straps: Adjust the straps so the harness is large enough to step into comfortably.
- Step into the harness: Put one leg in at a time, then pull the harness up to your waist.
- Position your penis (if applicable): If you have a penis, place it through the designated opening below the dildo.
- Fasten the straps: Tighten all harness straps to ensure a snug fit. The harness should be tight enough to stay securely in place during use but not so tight that it causes discomfort.
For harness briefs, simply put them on as you would a regular pair of underwear.
Here’s How to Use a Strapless Strap-On Dildo:
- Apply lubricant generously: Coat the insertable portion of the dildo and your vaginal opening with a compatible lubricant.
- Insert the dildo: Gently insert the wearer’s portion into your vagina and adjust the position until it feels comfortable.
- Engage your P.C. muscles and enjoy: Squeeze your pelvic floor muscles and let the fun begin!
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New to strap-on play? Follow these simple and helpful tips for an enjoyable and comfortable experience.
Don’t Skimp on Foreplay
As with all types of penetration, it’s essential to ensure everyone is fully aroused before any insertion begins. Take your time building anticipation and excitement before strapping up.
You can even incorporate the act of putting on the strap-on into your foreplay. Have the receiver sensually help the wearer put on their harness, turning it into an intimate and playful moment. Want to add some extra spice? Choose a strap-on harness that doubles as lingerie, like the iDear Unisex Crotchless Open-Back Lace Harness Briefs. The open-back design and booty cut-out create a tantalizing visual for the partner while providing easy access for anal play.
For couples using a pack-and-play dildo, make the reveal part of your pre-strap arousal ritual. For instance, the wearer could perform a sultry striptease, gradually building anticipation before unveiling what’s hidden beneath their clothes.
Lube up
Wetness is crucial for safe and comfortable vaginal or anal penetration, and a high-quality lubricant is the easiest way to ensure everything goes smoothly—especially when it comes to anal play. Generously apply a high-quality lubricant to your strap-on dildo and the receiver’s opening before penetration for a silky-smooth experience.
As always, make sure the lubricant you choose is compatible with your dildo’s material (and any barriers or other toys you may be using during play).
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Since the strap-on wearer can’t physically feel their new appendage, it’s harder for them to gauge how it’s affecting the receiver. This makes clear communication from the receiver especially important. If something feels good—or not—it’s crucial to speak up.
For those being penetrated (bottoms), offering gentle guidance can help create a more enjoyable experience. For example, phrases like “a little to the left” or “a bit slower” can go a long way in helping the wearer adjust their movements for maximum pleasure.
Explore Different Positions
It may take some experimentation for strap-on beginners to find a position that feels right, so don’t get discouraged if it doesn’t feel perfect right away! Wielding a strap-on can take some practice for the wearer, so you might want to start with positions that give the receiver more control. We recommend trying receiver-on-top, doggy style, and spooning for your first few sessions.
Once you and your partner get comfortable with strap-on play, you can expand your horizons by experimenting with different sex positions. It’s important to find something that works well for both the wearer and the receiver. And just like with other forms of partnered sex, it’s a good idea to alternate who is putting in more physical effort.
You can turn position exploration into a fun challenge by reading our position guides like the iDear Top 20 Sex Positions!
How to Choose a Strap-On Dildo?
With so many strap-on dildo styles available, it’s wise to create a list of the qualities you want (and don’t want) in your toy before you start shopping. Always consider your and your partner’s body types, as well as the role you want the strap-on to play in your sex life, when making your decision.
Size Matters:
Size is a crucial factor when choosing a strap-on dildo, both in terms of length and girth. The receiver’s experience level and preferences are key considerations, but size also affects the wearer. First-time users may want to start with a smaller dildo, as it’s easier to handle, and gradually move up in size as they gain confidence and skill. Another important aspect is the width of the dildo’s base—always check the measurements and compare them to your harness to ensure a proper fit.
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Material and Firmness:
Next on your checklist should be the material and firmness of the dildo. It should be firm enough for comfortable penetration but not too heavy. Avoid using glass or metal dildos for strap-on play, as their weight can damage your harness and make movement difficult for the wearer. Rubber and firm gel dildos are popular choices because they offer a realistic feel while remaining easy to operate.
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Design and Aesthetics:
Once you’ve nailed down the basics, you can focus on more fun features like design to enhance your experience. Realism and color are significant deciding factors for many. For example, trans men or individuals with double penetration (DP) fantasies may prefer anatomically detailed, flesh-toned dildos, while others, such as lesbians, might lean toward abstract designs in bold colors like black or vibrant hues.
Extra Tips for Using a Strap-On
Try Wearing the Strap-On Before Using It for Sex
Strap-on play will go more smoothly if you’re already comfortable with how it feels to wear and use one. Experiment on your own before using it with a partner to learn without pressure. Start by wearing your strap-on dildo around the house while doing chores to get used to the sensation. You can then practice simulating partnered sex using a stroker or your hand to refine your technique.
Watch Videos of People Using Strap-Ons
If you’re struggling to understand how to use a strap-on, watching it in action can help clarify things. Grab some popcorn, head to your favorite ethical porn site, find a few strap-on scenes, and take notes! Pay attention to how the wearer moves—both independently and in relation to their partner—and note which positions look fun to try.
Even experienced strap-on users can benefit from visual learning. A great video might teach you new techniques or tricks that you haven’t yet tried (or added to your repertoire).
Bring Other Toys into the Mix
To intensify your experience, consider incorporating other sex toys into your strap-on play. If the strap-on wearer has a vulva, they might enjoy a stimulating accessory like the Bumpher. Alternatively, you can easily turn a standard strap-on dildo into a vibrator by attaching a vibrating cock ring or inserting a bullet vibrator into a hollow dilao. In fact, almost any couple’s toy designed for penises can work with strap-on dildos, such as textured sleeves that add variety to sensations.
And don’t forget about anal toys or nipple clamps that either or both partners can use during strap-on play!
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Cleaning your sex toys before and after each use is crucial for their longevity and your (and your partner’s!) health. Research the care instructions for your strap-on dildo’s materials and follow them carefully. Soap and warm water may suffice in some cases, but for a deeper clean, use a product specifically designed for sex toys, like iDear Fresh Toy Cleaner. Some toys can even be boiled or placed in the dishwasher for thorough cleaning.
Cleaning is especially important when switching between anal play and vaginal or oral sex. Keep biodegradable sex toy wipes, like iDear Fresh Biodegradable Sex Toy Wipes, in your bedside drawer for quick and easy hygiene without interrupting the fun for too long.
More Strap-On Advice
How to Choose a Strap-On Harness
Beginner's Guide to Pegging
Top 10 Strap-Ons
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