How to Introduce Bondage to Your Relationship

A lot of the stigma about bondage has evaporated in recent years, and now it’s like bondage has its own fan club. There are many curious lovers out there, itching to spice up their love lives and explore new ways to enjoy sexual experiences with their partners.

Bondage can be soft, sensual, and romantic – as well as kinky and wildly thrilling. The simple act of restraining your lover offers new physical experiences and an intensified feeling of trust and closeness.

Bondage comes in many forms, from the elaborate, artful masterpieces of Shibari (think of it as the “ haute couture” of bondage) all the way down to more simple but equally effective forms, like blindfolding your boo and restraining their ankles and wrists. Whether you’re into high fashion or just want to keep things casual, there’s a style of bondage that fits your vibe.

Bring up the subject

Sure, surprises are fun and all, but when it comes to bondage, you need to swap the element of surprise for a healthy dose of communication. Being restrained can be triggering for some people, so it’s crucial to have a heart-to-heart with your flame about both of your desires and limits first. Think of it like a pre-game strategy session, but for intimacy.

Discussing new ideas for the bedroom can be daunting, and many people like to fuel up on a bit of liquid courage before drunkenly making suggestions. While this approach might work for other sexual adventures, we suggest you keep the booze out of the equation when it comes to bondage. Alcohol and bondage are like oil and water—they just don’t mix. When restraints are involved, you’re not only responsible for your beau’s pleasure but also their safety. So, leave the tequila shots for another night and have a clear-headed conversation instead.

Conversation starters

Conversation startersWhen speaking to your partner, be sure to ask open questions to gain insight into their point-of-view and their feelings about trying couples bondage for the first time:

“Hey, I’ve got this wild idea where one of us gets to be the boss during sex. Like, a supercharged version of ‘who’s in charge tonight?’ What do you think?”

“How would you feel about adding a blindfold to our bedtime routine? Like a super-sensual sleepover, but with way more fun.”

“What if we checked out iDear for some handcuffs and other fun stuff for the bedroom? You know, just to spice things up a bit.”

Talking through this kind of fantasy helps you connect better as a couple and can also expand your own thoughts on the subject. Explaining your feelings allows them to empathize and even add their own twist to your fantasy.

Keeping it real

If either of you are worried about the idea of incorporating bondage into your sex life, don’t bottle it up! Be brave enough to say so and explain why. Take a moment to consider your reasons and then lay them out on the table with your partner. Think of it like a “sex life town hall meeting” where everyone gets a chance to voice their concerns.

You may find that, during the discussion, your curiosity starts to peek out from behind its curtain like a shy kitten. But remember, just like not everyone loves pineapple on pizza, bondage isn’t for everyone in a partnership.

“Snagged the Bondage Boutique Temptation Soft Bondage Kit (2 Piece) as our first real foray into dom and sub play, and let me tell you, it was a total game-changer! My partner saw the package and was already feeling the heat before I even unwrapped it. Talk about anticipation!” – Missy28

It’s totally okay if you’re not into bondage when your partner is. You don’t have to be into every single thing they like, and vice versa. But it’s also important to understand that your partner’s desires are valid, just like yours. You can still be a team even if you’re not into the same kinks.

The right tools for the job

If you decide you might like to give bondage a go, it’s worth thinking about what exactly you’d like to try before you invest in any bondage equipment. Otherwise, you might end up with a bunch of gear that looks cool but sits in the closet like a fancy paperweight. Make sure your purchases are matched to your needs, not just your fantasies.

Are you looking to enhance foreplay and sensory play?

Do you or your partner have a preference as to who should be tied up, or do you want to take it in turns?

Are you happy being locked into restraints, or do you want to be able to escape if you want to?

These are all questions that you should ask and consider before you go ahead with making any purchase choices.

First-time thrills

Once you’re fired-up, you’ll be ready to invest in your first bondage equipment.

Beginner-friendly wrist cuffs and a blindfold are ideal for your first time. Cuffs will let you experiment with restraint without making you feel like a Houdini in training, and the blindfold will not only bring in an element of sensory play—it’ll also help calm those first-time jitters. Think of it as your “bondage training wheels.”

“Me and my partner really enjoyed the surprise, and it was the best sex we’d had in a while. It’s opened the door for us to talk more about bondage and fantasies we’ve had but were too afraid to bring up.” – Sthom

The great news is that bedroom bondage kits usually contain these staple items and are great value-for-money. They’re like an all-you-can-eat buffet for your bondage adventures, allowing you to experiment with different toys without breaking the bank or investing in a vast array of equipment.

Visit our Bondage for Beginners category to discover the best toys for first-time bondage. It’s like a treasure trove of fun, just waiting for you to explore!

Leather or lace?

If the look of bondage gear is a little heavy for your tastes, don’t worry—there are plenty of alternatives to the traditional leather and buckles that hardcore enthusiasts swear by. If you’re more into a soft and romantic vibe, the iDear Luxury Bondage Kit is your new best friend. It’s soft but strong, and it’s a fantastic starting point for your romantic bondage adventure. Think of it as the “cashmere sweater” of bondage gear—luxurious and gentle on the skin.

“The soft texture feels nice on the wrists and ankles, and it felt very strong. They didn’t cut in but tied tightly around the wrists, allowing for a good level of restraint. Overall, a staple for anyone looking to have some fun in the bedroom with a more romantic aesthetic to it.” – Amy T.

But if you’re feeling like you need something a bit more heavy-duty, Bondage Boutique has got you covered. Their Under the Bed Restraint System is like the James Bond of bondage gear—it sits discreetly under your mattress and allows you to bind both wrists and legs if you’re feeling extra adventurous. This system allows easy release, but at the same time, it’s sturdy enough to survive even the wildest of tugs.

Play safe & avoid knots!

For first-time bondage, it’s best to avoid anything that ties in a knot, like rope. Imagine trying to untangle a stubborn knot in the middle of a steamy moment—it’s like trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube with your heart racing. Knots are a recipe for disaster, especially in the bedroom. So, we recommend holding off on the rope until you’re ready to do the research needed to play safely.

In the meantime, a great alternative is Tease by iDear Bondage Tape: it sticks to itself like a hug, so you can bind wrists, ankles, and just about any body part any way you like without the worry of knots. It’s like having a sticky, but friendly, octopus that holds everything in place.

“I was surprised how soft the tape was as well as the strength. A few wraps around the wrist and you’re well secured whilst remaining comfortable.” – KinksandKooks

The only rule to remember is to play safe. Think of safety as the “cherry on top” of your fun. Ensure that the safety of you and your partner is top of your agenda before you reach for the handcuffs. Make sure you can both communicate, that you’ve set up a safe word, and that you’re both familiar with the restraints and how to unfasten them before you put them to full use. Read more about bondage safety techniques to keep the fun rolling without any hiccups.

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How to Introduce Bondage to Your Relationship

Bring up the subject

Conversation starters

Keeping it real

The right tools for the job

First-time thrills

Leather or lace?

Play safe & avoid knots!

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